Category Archives: sexism

the spectrum of sexual misconduct/harassment/assault/shitty behavior

I think the men who are being out-ed now for being assholes (even from actions 20-40 years ago) should most definitely be out-ed.

I also think there is a spectrum of harassment and asshole-ry onto which many men, if not most, fall.

Those who are on the “stood by while my peers made nasty sexist jokes or told about asshole sexual activities” side of the spectrum may simply need to face the truth that they have been complicit and stop being so passive in the future. Hopefully all of this new public discussion will help them be more courageous. “Why is that funny to you?” is a great response to awful jokes and “that sounds like assault” is a good response when hearing about sexual assault.

Those who are on the “shoved my tongue into her mouth even though she didn’t want to kiss” area of the spectrum should be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior. Those who pose for photographs grabbing the breasts of a sleeping woman should also be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior. If a pattern of behavior shows the offenders still think such behavior is okay, they should face the consequences similar to those I describe in the next paragraph.

Those who repeatedly made sexual advances toward teenaged girls or repeatedly showed their genitals to unwilling women should be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior and also should be socially ostracized, including but not limited to being fired from jobs and being refused membership in communities of decent people. It should be socially acceptable to say “no, you can’t play or work here anymore” to those men.

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Filed under activism, sexism

be gentle with each other

So many of us—I most definitely include myself in this—are having to relive traumas over and over as more and more people are finding the courage to speak out about sexual harassment/abuse/assault. In my newspaper column, I wrote about Trump’s election being like “a punch in the gut” because I’m a sexual abuse/assault/harassment surviver. It’s gotten worse lately, even though I’m sure that more people speaking out is better in the long run.

I’ve just realized that for my own mental health, I need to unplug from all the various social media sites for a while. I need to regain some control about how often and when I am exposed to conversations about assault and abuse. For a while, that means turning off twitter and Facebook, and not posting here.

My Bangor Daily News column in October was about being kind to people because you never know what they are going through. So many of us are being forced to relive traumas and, speaking for myself, that means I’m especially tender and vulnerable. Let’s all be gentle with each other, okay?

(I’m cueing this up to post later, I’m stepping away from the non-work computer use for a while.)

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Filed under my life story, sexism