the spectrum of sexual misconduct/harassment/assault/shitty behavior

I think the men who are being out-ed now for being assholes (even from actions 20-40 years ago) should most definitely be out-ed.

I also think there is a spectrum of harassment and asshole-ry onto which many men, if not most, fall.

Those who are on the “stood by while my peers made nasty sexist jokes or told about asshole sexual activities” side of the spectrum may simply need to face the truth that they have been complicit and stop being so passive in the future. Hopefully all of this new public discussion will help them be more courageous. “Why is that funny to you?” is a great response to awful jokes and “that sounds like assault” is a good response when hearing about sexual assault.

Those who are on the “shoved my tongue into her mouth even though she didn’t want to kiss” area of the spectrum should be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior. Those who pose for photographs grabbing the breasts of a sleeping woman should also be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior. If a pattern of behavior shows the offenders still think such behavior is okay, they should face the consequences similar to those I describe in the next paragraph.

Those who repeatedly made sexual advances toward teenaged girls or repeatedly showed their genitals to unwilling women should be called out in public and given the opportunity to face the truth about their assaulting behavior and also should be socially ostracized, including but not limited to being fired from jobs and being refused membership in communities of decent people. It should be socially acceptable to say “no, you can’t play or work here anymore” to those men.

4 thoughts on “the spectrum of sexual misconduct/harassment/assault/shitty behavior

  1. Agree on the spectrum aspect. And I’m not much inclined to give men a break for things that they did decades ago when decent men have said that men always knew there was a line. They knew. They knew back then. They just figured they could get away with it.

    1. I agree, yup. But I also think there’s a big wide area of grey that is around that line that was actually grey-er back then than it is now. And it’s not just because, god dammit, I wish Franken was pure, but it’s also because I really think we need to allow for change. Accepting the truth about the past (even if it’s “I was an asshole bc I knew I could get away with it”) is part of that.

  2. *shrug* yeah there is a spectrum – yeah they should be called out – they should also be able to “prove” that they have changed/repented/made-amends or whatever [if that is indeed true]. People *can* change (altho many never do). I have been guilty of crossing the line and I have made amends whenever possible.

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